So I'm watching Fuse TV, or more truthfully channel surfing past Fuse TV and, wait, there's a large woman on TV stripping. Yes, stripping.
She's super-imposed over Madonna's "Like A Virgin" video, trying hard to find the beat. She never does. Meanwhile, there are captions -- sort of VH1 "Pop-Up Video" like -- going off everywhere and there's an anonying host talking over the whole thing and trying to be funny in an '80s MTV sort of way.
I'm sitting there watching this woman writhe around in a black lace bra that is about one twist from a Wardrobe Malfunction, and I'm wondering why is this on the air. I keep thinking somebody actually wrote a script and did a storyboard for this?.
Apparently, "Pants Off/Dance Off" is a big hit for Fuse, which stops the dancers just before they show off their private parts, asking viewers to visit a special page on the network's website to see them go all the way and to vote on which "Pancer" is your favorite.
But the dancing is very suggestive and probably a bit much to be airing all times of the day.
On the website, the dancers do show the goods, but they are digitally altered so you can't really see anything. Now I know we're in the age of Reality TV and in an age where Flava Flav and Bridget Neilsen can become a real-life couple, but I'm not getting why grown men are dancing badly on TV to old '80s music -- and taking their clothes off.
This is all so Eric Estrada.
This weekend, Fuse is having a Prance-a-thon where it will show all of its "Pants Off" shows back to back.
I think I will be watching "Sanford & Son" reruns instead.
Besides, Aunt Esther could outprance any of these beady-eyed fools on Fuse.